What Does it Mean to Lose

“You should’ve told me.” This is the first thing he says after he sifts through the medical information packet. Not angrily, but disappointed.

“I know.” That's all I can offer him.

Slowly, he sets the papers down on the coffee table. He’s silent as he gathers the mugs and shuffles away. Taking the leftover chocolatey scent with him.

Distantly, I hear the faucet running as I focus on the wet drops splattered on the papers. A pang of regret rings through my body before I shake that off too. I can feel my eyes tearing up, but I have nothing else to spare except a shaky inhale. I warily make my way into the kitchen. Only to find him on his hunches with his fist pressed against his mouth.

“Oh mijo”, I breathe out. My old heart aching.

All he does is squeeze his eyes shut as more tears stream down.

“You should have told me sooner,” he repeats. Opening his eyes to earnestly look at me just to stab at my heart with a wobbly, “You’re all I have left Ama.”

Instead of saying anything, I kneel to gather him into my arms. Wondering to myself when exactly he grew so big as I attempted to enfold him into my arms. Wishing I could save him from this pain as well as any future heartaches. The thought of all I will miss, and he will lose only encouraged me to tighten my hold as we sat on the cold floor. Both of us desperately clutching onto each other for support as we dissolve into weeping messes.